


Burnt by the Sun

by BetterThanCoffee



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: M/M, Unrequited Love, pre-ATLA
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-24
Updated: 2015-08-28
Packaged: 2018-04-17 00:16:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4645308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BetterThanCoffee/pseuds/BetterThanCoffee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Monk Gyatso's time with Avatar Roku was filled with sunshine and heartbreak.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Gyatso never really thought about what it meant to be an airbender. The monk was born into a world that lived above the clouds, and worshiped the sky. His people were built to dance through the wind, bodies twisting and contorting to the air currents. To them, gravity did not separate man from the heavens. It was as if the spirits themselves blessed the Air Nomads, and allowed them to live within the tranquility of the blue sky. The sun and the moon were their neighbors, and the stars were just almost within reach. An airbender's right to the sky were never questioned, nor were they reflected upon. Gyatso had no reason to question or even wonder why he was given this gift, until the day he met him. Avatar Roku.

The young monk can still remember when he first saw the avatar as he gasped desperately for breath after hiking up the mountain to reach the Southern Air Temple. He was just a teenager, his long, unkempt hair blowing in the breeze, a striking sight among the sea of bald heads. Beads of sweat settled on his brow, making his hair stick to his skin. With a smattering of acne, and his mouth agape at the temple's wonder, Gyatso mused that this boy looked nothing like the majesty of what an avatar was supposed to be.

“Spirits,” Roku gulped out, leaning against an elder monk with far too much familiarity. “How do you airbenders make that hike every day?”

“We fly,” Tashi muttered out, stroking the few smatterings of hair on his chin that he was far too proud of. 

Roku rolled his eyes once the other teen's back was turned, and Gyatso smirked to himself. Tashi was insufferable on the best of days, and it looks like even the avatar wouldn't be exempt from his acerbic attitude. Gyatso had heard that the avatar had requested the Southern Air Temple specifically to complete his airbender training. To be honest, Gyatso wasn't sure how to feel about that news. On some level, he supposed he was excited. Meeting the avatar was a rare luxury, but the boy standing before him wasn't the avatar. At least, not yet. 

It was easy to see by the way he carried himself that the boy had no confidence in his abilities. Roku kept tilting his head forward, shading his eyes with his hair. His long skinny arms wrapped around his frame, shielding him from the outside world. Could this person, who resembled a skittish mouse-deer, really be the great savior to their world? Gyatso scrubbed a hand over his smooth head in frustration. As long as he didn't get in his way, Gyatso supposed there was no harm in his presence. Gyatso had a goal in mind, and he was going to let no one get in his way.

Traditionally, an airbender was not named master until his or her twenty-fifth birthday. Gyatso planned on becoming a master by the time he was twenty. When Gyatso had announced his plans, so many years ago in the dining hall, his little fists swinging with determination, all of the other monks chuckled to themselves, as if it was merely the foolish wish of a little boy. Gyatso remembered the cries of Tashi the most. The child had practically crowed with laughter, nearly falling out of his seat.

“You? A master by twenty?” Tashi had sneered at the boy, over a bowl of fruits and nuts. “You wouldn't even be able to fly a kite on a windy day.” One of the elder monks tried to hush the boy, but the damage was done.

Gyatso's blood boiled in memory. From that day forth, Gyatso had trained day and night, studying hard to become a great airbender, and hopefully one day soon, a master. Gyatso was already sixteen years old, and was still far off from becoming a master. He only had four years to accomplish his goal, and show all the other monks exactly what he was made of.

“Young Gyatso,” Elder Monk Yani approached the boy, “I have a request of you.” 

“Yes, Sifu Yani?”

Monk Yani wrapped an arm around the airbender. He felt so small and brittle, that Gyatso was reminded of the mortality of even his most respected teacher. “Could you please watch over the avatar? He is very new to our world, and I think he would benefit greatly from a friend. You are both the same age, after all.”

“But-” Gyatso stuttered out. How could he hope to accomplish his goal in time if he was to baby sit the avatar.

“Problem, Gyatso?”

“No, sir,” Gyatso mumbled, hanging his head.

“Excellent!” Monk Yani beamed. “This will be good for the both of you.”

“Yeah, sure,” Gyatso spoke to himself as the elder monk wandered off.

Gyatso turned to look at the avatar, standing by himself as all the monks continued their daily tasks. He looked so sad standing there by himself, kicking at the dirt. If Gyatso had any hair, at that moment, he knew he would be pulling it out by the roots. Well, here goes nothing, Gyatso thought to himself.

“Hey!” Gyatso called out, walking up to Avatar Roku.

The boy looked up at Gyatso through his long stands of dark hair, “H-hey.”

Gyatso sighed to himself. This was going to be a long journey. “C'mon, I bet you're starving from your hike,” Gyatso spoke, shouldering the avatar's bag.

“Oh, you don't have to-”

Gyatso shrugged him off. “The mountain is tall and the hike is treacherous. I could not imagine coming up here on foot. You deserve a little rest.”

The avatar beamed at Gyatso. “Thanks!” Gyatso was nearly bowled over by the teen's smile. Up to this point, Roku was so quiet and small, as if his presence could be blown away by the slightest breeze. No one would look twice at the boy in the crowd. No one would have guessed he was the avatar. His smile told a different story. It brightened up his entire face. With that smile, it looked as if he was saying, notice me, and Gyatso noticed. The sun, always so close yet unreachable to the airbenders looked as if it had been hiding in that boy, just waiting to burst out.

Gyatso shook his head, clearing his thoughts. “N-no problem,” he finally replied, far later than what was considered socially acceptable. The avatar did not seem to notice, still grinning at the monk. Even if Gyatso did not realize it then, he should have seen this as the first sign of danger.

For all of Gyatso's preconceived notions, Roku was not what he expected. The teen picked up on airbending fast – scarily fast. Motions and forms that took Gyatso months and even years to perfect, Roku was mastering them in days. With every move that Roku mastered, Gyatso felt further and further from his goal. With every praise that came Roku's way, Gyatso could only hear the laughter in the dining hall ringing in his ears. Their jeers and taunts stuck with him. How could Gyatso expect to become a master by the age of twenty if this complete novice was showing him up at every turn?

Yet, every time Gyatso could feel his anger boiling over watching Roku's perfection in motion, the teen would turn around and beam at the monk with that goddamn smile of his that was so bright, it burned. Gyatso was confused as to how someone so meek could subdue the airbender with such a simple gesture. The avatar confused the young monk. He could be quiet one moment, and the next show off a power tantamount to that of a god. He was the avatar, the one to master all four elements and keep harmony to the world. Gyatso was careful to never forget that fact, even when the avatar had fruit pie smeared all over his face.

“Did you see that, Gyatso!” Roku cried out, his cheeks flushed from the crisp breeze. The avatar just spent his first time on a glider, and as usual, he was a total master. The avatar flopped on the ground beside Gyasto, where he was watching the proceedings. Roku had attached himself to the airbender, following him around like a turtle-duckling. Gyatso wished he could be more annoyed with the boy. “Oh man, that was coolest thing I have ever done.”

“Flying is the greatest gift to the airbenders.”

“You got that right!” Roku pumped his fist, still full of adrenaline. “Oh man, we don't have anything like this in the Fire Nation.”

Gyatso smiled, laying down in the dirt, squinting from the rays of light pouring over the boys. “When I was a kid, I would find any excuse to go flying. I wasn't very good, and I fell a lot. Once I broke my arm, and Master Yani banned me from using a glider for a month.”

Roku threw his head back in laughter, all of his teeth on display. “That sounds just like you, Gyatso. Never one to give up.”

Gyatso chuckled to himself, “Yeah, I guess you got me pegged.”

Roku stretched out beside Gyatso, propping his head up on one hand. Gyatso took that as a silent invitation to continue. “I've always wanted to become a master. Even now, that is my greatest desire. It always felt just out of my grasp, just like the sun.” Gyatso covered his face with his hand, blocking out all light. “Ya know, as a kid, I thought that if I could fly high enough and grab a piece of the sun, the Elder Monks would grant me master status automatically for doing the one thing that no airbender can achieve.”

“You want to touch the sun?” Gyatso peeked at Roku to see his puzzled face.

“Well yeah, think about it,” Gyatso continued, not really sure why he was telling Roku all of this. “We are all bound to this earth by gravity, and yet it is only the airbenders who can escape its grasp. The moon, stars, and sun are all up there, so close, and yet so far at the same time.” Gyatso lifted his hand, fingers splayed, casting shadows across his face. “It looks so easy to just fly up there, but yet no matter how hard we try, we can reach them.”

“Ya know,” Roku spoke slowly, “I think I can get you a piece of the sun.”

Gyatso scoffed, “Oh what? The great avatar is going to fly up there himself and get it for me?”

Roku sat up, shoving Gyatso. “Not like that. It's just, well...”

“Well?” Gyatso asked after Roku trailed off.

“Well, airbenders are powered by the air, right? And earthbenders by the earth. Us firebenders are powered by the sun.” Roku held out his hand, creating a small ball of fire. “Fire brings us heat and gives us new life, just like the sun.”

Gyatso stared at the boy, completely mesmerized. His hair was lightly tousled from his flying, and he glowed from the small ball of fire in his hand. There truly was something magnificent about this man. Unthinking, Gyatso reached out a hand, just for once, wanting to touch the sun.

“Ow!” Gyatso cried out, jerking back his burnt hand.

“Careful!” Roku cried out, letting the fire ball in his hand dissipate. “Just like fire, the sun can hurt us too.” The avatar clasped Gyatso's burnt hand in his own, blowing softly over the wound, his lips brushing over the sore skin. “Fire was gifted to us from the sun, and its a heavy burden to bear. It can be a great help, but also a great danger.”

Gyatso stared down at the boy, still gently tending to his wound. Unbeknownst to the airbender, tears filled his eyes. “You really are the avatar, huh?”

Roku looked up at Gyatso. “What are you talking about?”

Gyatso pulled his hand back, wiping his eyes. “Nothing. Absolutely nothing.”

Nothing about Roku made sense. Every time Gyatso expected the boy to zig, he zagged. Gyatso found himself spending more and more of his downtime with Roku, and less of it religiously practicing his airbending forms. He felt like a moth attracted to the light bursting out of the avatar. Roku was so cheery and lighthearted, and yet he held and immense amount of power. Despite said power, Roku was so modest, that it almost hurt. It was almost as if Roku saw Gyatso to be the amazing one. Roku's presence was addicting, and as time went on, Gyatso was less and less sure he wanted any relief.

“What are you doing with the avatar?” Tashi cornered Gyatso one day, after the daily chores were completed?

“What do you mean?” Gyatso tried to edge around his fellow monk, but found himself trapped.

“You're spending all your time with the avatar, being all chummy, neglecting your own duties and studies.”

“We're friends!” Gyatso defended himself. “And since when did you care about my studies?”

Tashi sighed, stroking his chin. “Look, I'm trying to help you here.”

“Yeah right,” Gyatso snorted.

“Just listen to me,” Tashi bared his teeth. “He's the avatar. It is his duty to master all four elements.”

“I know that,” Gyatso crossed his arms.

“I don't think you do! Air is only the second element on the cycle, and once he masters that, he will be gone.”

“I-I know that,” Gyatso crossed his arms over himself.

“I'm going to say this once, so you better listen,” Tashi leaned in close to Gyatso, his voice lowering to a whisper. “Don't go falling in love with the avatar. You're only going to get hurt.”

Tashi stormed off, leaving Gyatso all alone, with his heart pounding in his chest.

Gyatso wandered the hills, Tashi's words ringing in his ears. What was wrong with Tashi? Was game was he playing? Was he just trying to trip up Gyatso to become a master first? None of it made any sense! The harder Gyatso thought about it, the more confused he became. He just needed some time alone, away from the avatar, so of course it was his luck that he stumbled upon the teen, sunbathing in the evening light.

“Oh hey, Gyatso! Come sit down!”

Gyatso wanted to say no. He really did, yet his body betrayed him, and Gyatso found himself settling down beside Roku. Neither said anything for a long time. Roku had his eye closed, a smile sitting on the face as he soaked in the sun. The traditional orange robes was not the most flattering garb, and with his long, often times unruly hair, Roku really looked out of place among the airbenders.

Despite his amazing feats in the sky, Roku wasn't an airbender, and he never would be. He would master it, as he would all the other elements, but at his very core, Roku was a firebender, and only airbenders remained in the temple. Roku was merely a guest, sailing through, before he would be off on his journey, likely making more friends and donning more clothes that didn't suit him.

“Did you know,” Gyatso found himself speaking without thinking, “that most airbenders don't marry.”

Roku squinted his eyes open to look at Gyatso. “Really?”

“In order to attain master status, an airbender must be free of anything tying them to the earth. Marriage is a bind. Most of us live without it.”

Roku burst out laughing, “Oh man, that's harsh!”

Gyatso raised an eyebrow. “Really?”

“Well yeah! Not getting to marry the one you love? That would hurt.”

Gyatso tucked his chin in his propped up knees. “Yeah.”

“Personally, I cannot wait to get married!”

“O-oh, yeah? You have someone you love?” Gyatso wondered why he was sweating so much.

Roku's smile grew soft, and it was a smile Gyatso had never seen on the boy's face. He instantly hated the look. “Ta Min is her name. She's so beautiful, but urgh!” Roku rolled onto his belly, his face planted into the ground. “She doesn't even know I exist.”

“You're the avatar, how can she not?” Gyatso laughed. Maybe it was just him, but his voice sounded very brittle, like it was ready to break apart.

“Yeah, but,” Roku continued, unaware of Gyatso's plight, “I don't want her to like me because I'm the avatar. I want her to like me for me.”

A small smile grew on Gyatso's face. “You can hold a piece of the sun in your hands. How can she not like you?”

“You really think so?” Roku looked to Gyatso, pieces of grass stuck to his face. Gyatso longed to reach out and pluck them away, but he resisted.

“Yeah, I do.”

Roku grinned his stupid toothy grin, before shooting up and grabbing Gyatso by the arm. “C'mon! Let's go flying!”

“What, now?”

“Yeah! Let's go!”

Gyatso pulled away from Roku's grip. “I can't. I have stuff to do.”

“Aw,” Roku pouted, “Really?”

“Yeah. I'll see you later.” Gyatso had nothing to do, but the last thing he felt like doing was flying. He was going to be trapped on this damn mountain for his entire life, and even with the power of the wind beneath his fingertips, there was no way he could escape. He couldn't even reach the sun.

Just as Tashi predicted, the day soon came when Roku had to leave the Southern Air Temple. Gyatso did not see the avatar off, citing research that he had to do immediately. The sun shone brightly that day, and Gyatso wished for nothing more than rain. It was too goddamn bright.

“So, was I right?” Tashi invited himself into the monk's room.

“Fuck off, Tashi, I'm busy,” Gyatso snarled.

“Jeez,” Tashi held his hands up. “Just seeing if you're still up to your stupid crusade of becoming a master by the time you're twenty. You know, if you're not too heartbroken, of course.”

“Just you watch,” Gyatso spoke harshly, “I will become a master by the time I'm twenty even if it kills me.”

Gyatso didn't become a master by the time he was twenty.

He did it by nineteen.

As the years went on, Gyatso tried to shove Avatar Roku out of his mind. Of course, he heard of stories of his greatness, but that was all beyond the mountain. That was a life that Gyatso would never know about. He even heard about his marriage to Ma Tin. If Gyatso was honest to himself, he was probably extra harsh to his students that day.

Elder Monk Yani was replaced by Elder Monk Pasang after his death. Monk Pasang was not as soft or as nice as Monk Yani, but he was firm in his convictions, and led the airbenders into a time of prosperity. Even after Monk Gyatso joined the Council of Elders, he never really had much interaction with Monk Pasang, until one day, the elder monk knocked on Gyatso's door shortly after Avatar Roku's death.

“Gyatso, are you busy? I must speak with you.”

Gyatso looked up from the scroll he was transcribing, and quickly moved scrolls and books out of the way so Monk Pasang could sit comfortably. “What can I help you with.”

“I am told you were close with the avatar.”

It felt as if all of the air was let out of the monk. “I suppose.”

Pasang nodded, as if he had just come to a decision. “I have a task for you. It is of the utmost importance.”

“Anything.”

“A young boy was just born, and sadly, his mother died during childbirth. We believe him to be the next avatar.”

Gyatso's eyes bulged out of his head. “So soon. Are you sure?”

“Yes,” Pasang spoke sharply and to the point. “He is in need of a care taker.”

Gyatso remained silent for a beat, thinking over Pasang's words in his head. “And you want me to be that caretaker.”

“You are the most logical choice.”

Gyatso signed, leaning back in his chair. “I know nothing of children.”

“Then learn. Quick.” 

It was obvious that Pasang's decision was final, and only a few days later, a baby with nothing in the entire world was placed in Gyatso's arms.

“Do you think you can handle this, Gyatso?” Monk Pasang asked.

Gyatso looked down at the little baby, silently staring up at the monk with his big grey eyes. The baby looked straight into the monk's eyes, and smiled a big, toothless grin. In that instant, Gyatso saw the boy who held the sun in his hands.

“Yes,” Gyatso's voice shook, his eyes flooding with tears. “I think I can.”


	2. Sequel-ish

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because I fucked up when uploading, and teased fanatla with the concept of a second chapter, I decided to write one up for them as an apology! So here ya go! Well, I guess this is more of a sequel than a second chapter, but meh, a promise is a promise! Hopefully it doesn't suck too badly cause I wrote this in like thirty minutes, because I gotta go to work, and felt bad for teasing fanatla like that. I COULD say I'll re-write it, but I'm a lazy piece of shit, and probably won't.

At forty, Monk Gyatso was no longer considered a young man, nor was he considered old. The most spiritually enlightened Air Nomad could live to be well over one-hundred. Gyatso tried to keep that in mind whenever his bones would creak, and with every growing line of silver that dabbled comfortably in his beard. The monk tried to tell himself the lines that edged his face showed experience and wisdom, rather than a herald of his ever-approaching death. He no longer sympathized with the perils the youth were facing around the temple, but more felt weary by their shameless games. Gyatso supposed he should be a bit more forgiving, after all, he too was a teenager once, and had is own burst of hormonal troubles.

Rubbing the bridge of his nose, Gyatso sighed in frustration. The monk had not seen the avatar in over twenty years, and yet, even to this day, his memory still invaded Gyatso's thoughts, like an unwanted fly always buzzing around his ears. He had heard tales of Roku, of course. The tales told of a boy who not only mastered all four elements quicker than what was to be expected, but that Roku had shaped up to be possibly one of the greatest avatars in their history. Gyatso had heard all of this, and was proud of his friend, but it was the news that Roku finally wed the love of his life, Ta Min, that lingered in this thoughts.

It was foolish to hold onto a crush from when he was merely sixteen, but the avatar had shaken Gyatso to the core. Everything that Gyatso thought he knew about himself was challenged by the presence of some shaggy-haired firebender. He had been so focused on becoming a great airbending master, that the equation of possibly going against everything he knew for some baseless emotions had thrown him into a loop. Even now, Gyatso will find himself gazing up at the sun, until his eyes burned, wondering if he could have given it all up for the man.

“Gyatso, you must come with me,” Tashi demanded, after bursting his way into Gyatso's private quarters. 

Gyatso calmly put his brush down, having long since learned to deal with Tashi's brusque attitude. “What seems to be the emergency?”

“We have a visitor, an important visitor.”

Gyatso raised an eyebrow, intrigued. It was not often a member from a separate nation visited their air temple. “And who might this important visitor be?”

Monk Tashi looked Gyatso square in the eye, “The avatar.”

Gyatso sucked in a breath of air, steadying himself. “I see. If you could please give the avatar my regards, I am quite too busy with my studies at the moment, and cannot take time to see him.”

“Cut the crap, Gyatso,” Tashi said sharply. “We both know what this is really about.”

“I have no idea what you're talking about,” Gyatso said, astounded by how calm his voice sounded.

“You know, Gyatso, I never took you to be a coward.” Was it just Gyatso, or did Tashi look strangely disappointed?

“Regardless of what you might think, I'm really quite busy.” Gyatso picked up his brush, and bent back over his scroll. “If that is all, you know where the door is.”

Tashi sneered, and stormed out. It was only then that Gyatso realized his hands were shaking. Gyatso dropped his head to the table with a loud groan. Why now, he wondered to himself. Why, after all these years, did Roku decide to return?

The Southern Air Temple was not a small place, but it still amazed Gyasto how easily he was able to evade the avatar. It probably also helped that the young monks were quite gossipy, and Gyatso could easily track his movements just from hearsay. Teenagers are good for one thing, I suppose, Gyatso chuckled to himself. Gyatso was just starting to feel confident that he actually might be able to avoid from seeing the avatar during the entirety of his visit. Of course, the spirits had other plans in mind.

“So this is where you have been hiding.” The avatar was leaning against the wall, casually eyeing Gyatso as his walked into the waiting ambush inside of his bedroom. Gyatso ignored the man's presence, walking around him, and began tidying up his room. There was ink splattered all over the table, scrolls littering the floor, and a few fruit pies that were probably hard as rocks rotting on his bedside. Honestly, this room was not up to the standards the monk liked to pride himself on. If he was being honest with himself, it was Roku's visit that was keeping him from tidying up as he should. The man was just too distracting.

“Why are you avoiding me, Gyatso?” Roku's eyes had quite a few laugh lines around them, but right now, there was no laughter evident. The man just looked sad.

“I'm not avoiding you. I've just been busy.”

“That's fucking bullshit, and you know it!” Gyatso finally looked the avatar in the face. Roku was teeming with anger, and every line of his body was tense. “I haven't seen you in over twenty years, and this is how you treat me?”

“Exactly,” Gyatso said coldly, knowing exactly how much his words would hurt. “We haven't seen each other in so long, I did not realize I owed you anything.”

Roku punched the wall, smoke rising from his knuckles. “We were friends, Gyatso, or at least I thought we were. I wrote to you! Constantly! Yet you never even wrote me back.” Roku paused, breathing deeply to settle himself. “You didn't even come to my wedding.”

It was as if the last thread holding Gyatso together finally snapped. “Why the fuck would you think I would want to go to that?”

Fire burst from the avatar, surrounding him like a deathly aura. “What did I ever do to you? You were my best friend here! Tell me!” Roku roared, and slammed his burning fist right into Gyatso's face.

Gyatso dropped to the floor, feeling his skin bubble under the heat. Just like Gyatso suspected. Every time he tried to reach for the sun, he would get burned.

“Oh shit!” Roku dropped down beside where Gyatso was splayed across the floor, cupping his cheek in his now cool hand. “I am so sorry, Gyatso!”

“Why did you come back?” Gyatso's voice cracked, and tears leaked down his swollen cheek.

“I just-” Roku paused, gulping down a lungful of air. “I just wanted to see my friend again.”

Gyatso could not take it anymore. He lunged up, grabbing Roku from his opulent collar, and pressing his chapped lips against the avatar's. The kiss must have lasted but a second, but the heat emanating from Roku's body settled into Gyatso's bones. It was like he was flying on his glider, and finally was able to pull a piece of the sun from the sky for himself, but even Gyatso knew that was just a fantasy.

Gyatso slowly pulled back from the avatar, and whispered against his lips, “That's why we can't be friends.”

Gyatso slumped over, facing the floor so he wouldn't have to see the look on Roku's face. Was it shock? Fear? Loathing? Gyatso would never know, because Roku silently stood to his feet, and then walked out of Gyatso's life forever. It hurt so much. Gyatso felt like every nerve in his body was burnt to a crisp. With the sun shining down on the monk from his window, he began to laugh.


End file.
